I turned 50 on the 23rd so I'm right there with you. I remember those wild nights out, and the postcards my now-husband sent 23-year-old me from his band's tour, telling me what he would do to me when he got back. :-) I had a complete meltdown a couple of days before my birthday, and my husband reminded me that writing is one of my superpowers, so I did a full-on stream of consciousness that turned into a recent story. (I don't like to put my own links in comments unbidden, but if you feel like checking it out, knowing you're NOT alone in these feelings may be helpful.) For all the writing I do, I havent been "writing my feelings" much lately and it really helped. I'm hoping I can regain my curiosity about life, and that will help take the focus off the physical beauty I perceive that I've lost with age.