Oh, I get it. You know I do. I've been hitting some realizations pretty hard lately too, and I do not like what my relationship with alcohol has turned into over the past year. I, too, do not do well saying I'm quitting. And I'm not, I haven't. I'm dabbling in moderation at the moment. I've consumed, over the past two weeks, a tiny fraction of the booze that had become my "normal" during pandemic times. It's weird - yesterday I cried all day; today I'm superwoman. I realize during days like today how dulled my senses had gotten when I was pretty much always just a little bit drunk or a little bit hungover. No wonder I felt like I couldn't handle anything. Right now, I'm experimenting (and I don't say this to sound delusional - I don't know if I can moderate or whether I'll have to quit, but it's the first time I've actually cared to find out, so that's something) with "hey, what do I feel like if I don't drink for a few days?" or, "what do I feel like if I only have two glasses of wine instead of five? Is that even feasible for me?" It's hard and scary and I'm having a lot of feelings. Anyway, I'm telling you that so you'll know you're not alone, no matter where this path takes you.