One of my all-time favorite songs. I love the newer version…I had not heard it before.

I have a musical background as well, but it was never really my own, so I have a very complicated relationship with it. I started playing the piano when I was 4 years old; started competing when I was 5. By the time I was in junior high school, I was practicing several hours a day and competing many weekends out of the year. I was really good, and it became my identity — the thing I did to make other people happy. I started having panic attacks AFTER competitions in high school. I stopped playing many years ago when I dropped my music major in college. It’s all wrapped up in expectations and loss and fear and pain. Fibromyalgia prevents me from playing the way I used to, and I never learned how to just improv and have fun and enjoy it — it was all classical music and practice and regimen and work. Now it feels like it’s too late. My husband would love if I would just jam with him, but I totally freeze up. I have no idea what to do with my fingers. He’s given up asking me, which makes me sad.

I feel like this is a mountain I’m going to have to conquer someday. Every time I think I’ve successfully walked away, I realize it’s still a demon I’m fighting.